Graduation Project


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Original sound track

Language As a Virus


The time came that Honesty became a weapon and therefore ‘Honesty’ became a symbol of fear. Ironically, while people forcing each other their own characteristic and identity, trying to let someone down under the name of humble, who can be honest to themselves. This is not about attitude towards wealth and materialism. This is a more about Jealousy towards the people who know what they want and what they want to be. I think it is due to the anxiety which is from the state that it is getting harder to define themselves as human being while society wants strong identity to them. However, honestly these requirements about Honesty and Fear was Coexisting until now historically.

But, why this coexistence is threatening me at this era and this moment. In those days when the establishment of a state and its system was necessary, the belief of a group was more important then that of an individual. Apart from the individual's inclination, the group's will was attached to the individual and moved forward. It seems that there is a choice between consent and disagreement, but in many places it has moved back and forth between the lines of death by choice. After the large structure was stabilized, people now began to build relationships as human-to-human. The trap seems to have started here. Relationships as individuals have more cases than they do as a group. That means there are more associations that people should consider to make their voices heard.

Ironically, as it is more popular to speak out than in the days when death was burning, people who seems free from all relationships are feared.

<Part 1. Virus>

Language is the means we have defined for communication. It helps to share and understand the same meaning. But while we keep our life, we can end up with individual experiences in a particular language, meaning can be altered, and as soon as that language completely changes what it means from original, we can be happy and unhappy. (The unhappiness we speak here is not just a break in communication, but a tragedy that comes from the loneliness that comes from disconnection of what others feel, or from the complex loneliness that comes from not feeling what others feel.)

As a person with hypersensitivity, I began to organize my writings to deal with the stimulus that came to me. This writing, which began to find the core of my sensitivity, made me feel how complex emotions I had to live with every moment. But knowing the core of the problem never helped me to feel better or showing the way to solution. Also these reasons can not give any support to my work (even gives more confusion about the reason why I want to visualize my thought and feelings.) as I am already of myself wanting to be understood by people.

In the meantime, I came across the concept of a (Language as a Virus)

Somebody didn't make me understand this concept, and this statement didn't help me to get rid of my tiredness from confusion. Weirdly I feel attached with this concept and felt comfort. I think it is due to, I sense the unknown hope by defining the faded picture of my thoughts, and that I could confirm maybe there are people who think the same like me.

(I have been always trying to make clear about the emtiotional layers that I have towards some words, languages. And the languages that I've organized by my own standards narrow the emotional gaps that have occurred in life, and through the process of sharing, I help people to understand me and find stability.) So, I started to classify this comfort and what it can be for me. First of all, I start by constructing basic structure of the concept and added or excluding the concept to make to me understand more about it and explore what I can be.

<Starting Structure / Version A> 

   Virus : Language
   Vaccination : Understanding, Accepting, Conversation = Honesty
   Mutation : ?

topics to be considered to concect with my self and this statement.

Manic topic : Am I the one who is infected by the virus or am I the Virus it self who wants to spread the virus.

  1. The significance of my work depends on main topic.
  2. The purpose of spreading my virus based on the conclusion of 1.

    The moment I was facing the concept ‘language as a virus’. The first question was where I should position myself in this statement. Due to the characteristic of virus that it is infecting some one to be patient.

    If I cut to the point from the start, defining my self as a Patience creates Irony of the definition that I gave to the words(dictionary). And This Irony took over the power of my work that can stand itself.

    Core of my work is writing. As a first step of visualization process, text became the base of everything, sound, visual and effects. Those text started as a surviving skill to filter and process what is happening around me. As I can not handle even the tiny emotions that I have seen and felt which lead me to the side effect that my body shuts down(stop working - sleeping, faint). I started wiring writing as a surviving skill. Understanding doesn’t mean 100 percent accepting but at least it narrows down what I can take and threw away emotions which I can not handle in my body. In this point, I felt comfortable about concept of ‘Language as Virus’. Which means, I positioned myself in submissive position. I don’t need to blame myself, cause the reason that I am suffering to process what I feel is totally external. So the text that I wrote is the viruses that I figured out from the world and the process of visualizing is my Vaccination that I keep applying to me to survive.

So Version A structure became

 < Version B >

   Virus : Language = text that I wrote
   Vaccination : Understanding, Accepting, Conversation = Honesty
                             = way to survive = Process to visualize virus
    Mutation : ?

But this comfortable feeling was a trap at the end. Defining myself as a submissive patience and take Vaccination that I created is just masturbating myself. Even I think ‘writing’ for my work is to help me to understand, but in the core of this process, I am just blaming only external excuses and pretending that I am doing good as I think it is easier to blame my self. Which is contradict attitude while and telling to people ‘Honesty’ is the most important thing that we need to deal with, not to be hurt and not to hurt others. Therefore, in that point my work lost the purpose at the end and give less changes to audience to be interpreted themselves. And even my starting point ‘text’ just became meditation process. In this point the most tragic part of calling my self a s host of virus while blaming outside of myself is, myself and work can not confirm our own existence by ourselves.

What if, there are no sources that I can feel or that I can be clam? What if, I do not need to write anymore? What am I going to be and what else I can create? Am I still going be the same person? Is this even going to happen in my life ever? If I keep my submissive attitude while acknowledge the fact that I get sources of living threw external issues, those question will follow all the time which will keep lead me to harsher self deconstruction way to confirm the existence.

Ridiculously, this dilemma can be fixed by flipping my position by my self to became Virus itself from host of Virus. All the tragedy starts from the moment, while we keep trying to figure out the starting point. Is it necessary to have motivation of desire? Does virus have motivation to keep their life and melting inside our life and affecting us? Like my desire to survive from the flood of emotions, is it really needed to define the starting point of desire while my life is threatening? Does it really worth to fight with virus which has no purpose to affect me? From the first step that I give up to find the core of my desire, I can accept who I am and keep my life.

Text Became the sources which helps me to understand who I am not to understand outside of my self. Also my work became the Virus itself which trying to effect people. Which means synchronizing my self to others to feel safe and less threats around me by different circumstances.

    < Version B-1 >

   Virus : My Self
   Vaccination : Understanding, Accepting, Conversation = Honesty
                       = way to survive = Process to visualize virus
    Mutation : ?

There is one thing that we need to be clear. The idea ‘Virus = My Self’ is just a tool to provoke my motivation to deal with my art work, not that I want to be a language and help people to understand the core of language and romanticize about it. This idea is not newly coming out of sudden. Like theories which are based on basic human emotions still existing, this concept is on the line with them. For example When we look up Nietzsche’s ‘Beyond Good and Evil’ 1).

To explain ‘why our society forcing humbleness to each other, he used the term of ‘Slave Morality and Noble Morality’

People with Slave Morality can not define themselves whether they are Good or Evil. So that to be ‘Good’ those people need to define others to be ‘ Evil ’. On the other hand, people with Noble Morality define themselves as implicit ‘Good’, people who do not need to used others to define themselves to be ‘Good’.

===================================================================== 1) Friedrich Nietzsche - Beyond Good and Evil Part IX - Aphorism # 260 ~ # 261

Therefor, Crashing is happening between people when these two types of human being coexisting in the world. For Slave morality people, existence of people who call themselves as ‘good’, keep disturbing to make themselves ‘good’ as even they trying to define noble morality people to be ‘evil’, it is not affecting them. Which means, slave morality people’s existence is constantly ignored. So that these people decided to force ‘humbleness’ towards each other. This is not due to make people to be free from hierarchy, but more to maintain their existence.

If I make a comparison between the concept ‘Language as a Virus’ and Nietzsche’s idea.

Slave Morality = Host of Virus
Noble Morality = Virus, Myself
Humbleness = Honesty

The Statement that I decided to be the virus itself means I want to be a Nobel Morality human being who can define their existence themselves. Not like Slave Morality people, I am trying to avoid to get confirmation of myself and work from outside. Like the Virus do not have motivation for desire to survive, this is a promises for myself that I make my own desire to stand alone.